i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize