I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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