I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
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