I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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