And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
