We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
