Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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