Pants 0. Shit 1.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
