It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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