Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
All the doctor said was why
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
