Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
