Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
