you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
