she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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