I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
