Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
