I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
