Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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