I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
