So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize
