if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
