i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
