I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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