we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
