I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
