you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
