if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
