No awkward lesbian experiences without me
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize