I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
