Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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