I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
