oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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