I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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