You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
