Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
