Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
