Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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