I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
can u get pink eye on your cock?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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