I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Let's get the cat blown out
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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