You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
