alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
And then he peed in my hair
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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