Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
