"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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