I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Life is so much better after having sex.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
