I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
