dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Be still, my beating vagina.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize