Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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