I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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