i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
