walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
