I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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