I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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