highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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