i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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