He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
