The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
he was CRYING into my vagina
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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