wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
