What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
