i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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