were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
We left the knife in your bed.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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