OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize