I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
