sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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