That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
