so let's talk penis.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
