Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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