you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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