Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
