Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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