He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
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